I come to you today so humbled and broken by all that God has done and is doing in my life. As I sit and write the book that God put in my heart in the heat of the cancer battle and all the stress and anxiety that came with it, I am completely overjoyed with how the hand of God led us and continues to lead us every day. I come to you today, finally at a place in my heart where God can truly move us into the next phase of this beautiful journey.
Over the last few months I have had to go through the brutal process of burying the past. Both literally and figuratively I have had to burry so many things I’ve lost count. There has been so much loss, grief and change all coupled with new birth, rebuilding and thrusting into a new life. I know looking in from the outside people are wondering where all this is going. But trust me, God has been at work. Me, Amy and the kids have grown leaps and bounds together. Our councilor sees family situations all day and she say’s she’s simply amazed by the growth and stability of our big, crazy, blended family. The kids are thriving and got mostly A’s in school. They are growing in the Lord and loving their new life together. God has sewn our hearts together and surrounded us with His strength and love. It can only be by His grace that we have accomplished what we have. We really needed to pull away for a few months and just focus on us. I knew the time would come when I could open up and continue to let you all into the story. But it just wasn’t time yet. The Lord had to work on our hearts and build this new foundation that we are living in. I am so blessed and truly thankful for what He has done.
So much has happened it’s hard to know what to share and where to pull the curtain back and let people into the journey. I can tell you that resigning from the ministry job I loved was so hard for me and has really been one of my biggest struggles through all of this. At the advice of a faithful friend I literally had a sort of burial ceremony this morning. I had been carrying so much weight and grief from the Lord calling me out of my ministry job that it was holding me back from moving forward. It was one more thing that I had to let go of. I had to burry it once and for all. I had to burry all the grief from God calling me out of a ministry job I loved – and it was so liberating. I let go of what lies behind and press toward the upward call.
You see; I was the last one to really admit it was time. It was time to leave the security and 22 years of history in ministry. But I couldn’t do it. I had been through so much and I couldn’t bare the thought of more change. As Amy and I sat in our prayer time one morning she finally got to me. She really sees me and knows me in ways only God could grant us. We’ve been married less than 8 months! But she sees me and knows me like I’ve never been “known” before and I’m so thankful for that. She said, “honey, it’s time and you know it. Every day that you go to work, knowing it’s time for you to move on, a little piece of you dies. How many pieces do you have left to give?” It was so profound and I knew she was right. I had to move on, not fully knowing what the Lord had for me. But that’s called faith. And without faith, it’s impossible to please God. I resigned that week.
So, even though I resigned in April, I’ve been carrying the grief and weight of it for months now. I’ve been grieving it and not laying it to rest until this morning. But I have finally laid it down at the foot of the cross and stand in faith and wait for the Lord to lead us further into His goodness for us as a family.
In the past couple months I have started an exciting new career in real estate while simultaneously writing my book and a new worship record. God has really solidified the vision of putting out a worship project as well as a book that tells the whole story. It’s brutally honest and really lays out what we’ve lived and the songs were all written at different phases of the journey. I can’t wait for you all to hear it and read through every facet of what the Lord has done. It is blowing my mind and I lived it! So far the few people who have read it and heard some rough versions of the songs are blown away too. God is glorifying Himself in our story and seeing it all written out has been pretty overwhelming. The birth of this new life and new blended family is so beautiful and full of the redemption of God. It’s the crescendo and highlight of it all. God is redeeming our story as He blends my life and Amy’s with all the kids. He’s redeeming all the things from our past and I can’t wait to share it with you all.
It has been a long, hard road. But remember where we started…. for His glory, by His grace. It’s everything. It’s the title of the book and the recording and holds the key to it all. I don’t know what God has planned and honestly try not to think about it. There’s no big ambition here. We just know we have to be obedient. And God has led us to put these offerings out and glorify Him with our story. It may touch one life or thousands. I don’t know. And I don’t need to.
So please pray! Pray for the leading and guidance of the Holy Spirit. I don’t exactly know how to do this. I’ve never done it on my own. So we are just putting one foot in front of the other and walking this out – trusting that God has a plan. I’ll be reaching out to you as the Lord leads and putting together a strategy as God reveals it. I know you all are still with us and I know there is so much love and support from this community of believers God has brought along in the journey. I’m excited to see how God glorifies Himself in it all.
We love you all and covet your prayers as we continue to press into the birth of new things. Stay tuned….
for His glory, by His grace